tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84447221849835942152024-03-13T16:32:56.441-07:00bakwaas shurushrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01629168952127522897noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8444722184983594215.post-18347421013439291682009-07-17T14:53:00.000-07:002009-07-17T14:59:04.026-07:00Neither aerodynamic nor bothered<span style="font-family: arial;">21st Nov 1983</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Dad: Bolo beta… daddy<br />Me: Daaddddy<br />Dad: Bolo beta… banana<br />Me: B nana<br />Dad: Bolo beta Boeing 737<br />Me: Letting out a fart and chuckling<br />Dad (with moist eyes): My son’s going to be a pilot!<br />Mom: aaarrrgghh</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">21st Nov 1986</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Dad: I’ve an awesome gift for you<br />Me: boy o boy o boy…a G.I. Joe action figure?<br />Dad: nice try<br />Me: a bicycle?<br />Dad: no<br />Me: a Barbie?<br />Dad: no (my dad never gets sarcasm)…lemme give you a hint<br />Dad flapping his hands<br />Me (disappointed): wow a parrot.<br />Dad (smacking me): no dumbass a MIG-21 replica<br />Me: whoa!! Does it fly??<br />Dad: smack<br />Mom: aarrrggghhh<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">21st Nov 1991</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Dad: what do you want to be when you grow up kiddo?<br />Me (rudely): I don’t know<br />Dad: don’t you like your present?<br />Me: I love the MIG dad. I’ve a whole squadron now.<br />Dad: that’s my boy (my dad never gets sarcasm)…if you continue doing well in school maybe…just maybe… you’d have a Sukhoi next year.<br />Me: Dad… What if I want to become a comic book seller when I grow old?<br />Dad: hahahaha… smack<br />Mom: aarrrgghhhh<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Some random day in Nov 1995</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Dad: Where are you going?<br />Me: Today’s a huge match dad. We are playing against the 11th standard!!<br />Dad: Why don’t you open your present before you leave for your match?<br />Me (in a desperate tone): da..aaaad<br />Dad: smack<br />Me: why do you smack me all the time?<br />Dad: coz that is what ideal fathers are supposed to do…now open your gift<br />I peel off the wrapper<br />Me: whoooooooooooaaaaaaaa!!!! 16 bit SAIGA gaming console (when the rest of the world is still drooling on the 8bit one)…love you dad…you are the best!!!<br />Dad: I know</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" ><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I run to tell my friends about it…why doesn’t someone invent a mobile phone or something…</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" ><br />Mom: What was that all about? Why’d you have to spend this much?<br />Dad: It’s okay kali…boys his age OUGHT to have fun<br />Mom: hmmm<br />Dad: Moreover I’ve heard that these video games sharpen your reflexes…something that’ll come in handy for the P.A.B.T<br />Mom: aaarrrrgggghhhh</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Apr 2k</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Me: Dad!!!! Cleared the UPSC written examination!!!!<br />Dad (concealing his delight): I’d have felt better if you’d gotten through engineering or something.<br />Me: NO dad…I’ve decided. I want to become a pilot.<br />Dad: Theek hai. Who am I to stop you from being what you want to be.<br />Mom: arrrggghhhh<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And I used to think of my dad as the one who didn’t get sarcasm</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Nov 2000</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Brigadier: So dude… why do you want to join the forces?<br />Me: To become a pilot<br />Brigadier: But you wear specs… I don’t think you’d clear the medicals<br />Me: I plan to get a Lasik done if I get the temporary rejection<br />Brigadier: That’d qualify for a permanent rejection. Moreover, we don’t encourage aspirants who’ve gotten that surgery done. Is there any other reason why you want to join the armed forces?<br />Me: I want to serve my country (dramebaaz)<br />Brigadier: hahahaha… so you are saying that you’d want to join the armed forces even if you don’t get to be a pilot…to serve your nation?<br />Me: Yes…no…ah… maybe? (I can sense the trap)</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >Brigadier: you know a sweeper serves the nation too!!<br />Me: but I don’t know how to apply for it<br />Brigadier: ha ha ha ha ha….go home son… I’m doing you a favor; take some time off to figure things out. Then, if you still want to join the armed forces you can always come back.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">That… was a great piece of advice. I didn’t take it…attended 3 more SSBs just for the</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">heck of it…to see if there’s a crack in the system I could exploit…I’m glad I didn’t find any.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">So things don’t turn out the way they were destined to. I go on to complete my</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">engineering much to my dad’s “delight”.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Dad…He made his peace the day I flew from Bangalore to Bhubaneswar (my first airborne experience), to see them.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">As for “my” flying dream…lemme tell you this…I’ve decided to let go of the quotes…and have found this easy way out…</span><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;">http://www.indusav.com/india/new%20ifa.htm</span>shrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01629168952127522897noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8444722184983594215.post-24341409791474643742009-06-04T11:21:00.000-07:002009-06-04T11:23:32.009-07:00The MCP<p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Statutory warning- the plot is stupid, the characters fictitious</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">,</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> and the author </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">idiosyncratic (read dumb)</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">. You’d be better of</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">f</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> reading about syphilis in Wikipedia.</span></span> </p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">16</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; vertical-align: super;"><span style="font-size:78%;">th</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> May, 2009</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Tell me that you love me” </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">It’s actually the irony that enthralls me in such conversations. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Even with the excuse of a rhetorical question, i</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">t’s not as if it were asked from the other side of the bed I was lying in…not even close…picture the Sunday bazaar…commercial street to be precise.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“I’d love to…make love to you” I try to act cute…or </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">funny… or plain stupid…can never figure that part out until she has reacted.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Shut up” She kinda</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> punches me or something…</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Don</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">’t act smart” smart it is then!</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“You men sure know how to ruin a moment” </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">and </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">she’s </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">leaning on me again</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Dude!!! We are in Commercial Street… in the middle of the day… on a S</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">aturday</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> afternoon</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">,</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> with me carrying all these bag thingys… when I should have been </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">home </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">with my friends</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">,</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> watching IPL”</span></span> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">I guess the heat has gotten to me…</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;"> what if</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;"> my “random” outburst was not </span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">totally unwarranted</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">…</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">I think to myself as</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> I</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> prepare </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">to bear the full brunt of the female fury. </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"><deeeeeeeeep> “FIRST OF ALL…I am not a dude”…</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">and I’m dead meat</span></i></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“SECONDLY, I never asked you to carry those bags for me”…</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">as if I could have had it any other way.</span></i></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">IT</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> was </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">YOU</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> who offered to come along”</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">… </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">to buy a PlayStation for her cousin,</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;"> and</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;"> not </span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">go </span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">grocery shopping for her entire family</span></i></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“and FINALLY I remember you saying that those KITE RUNNERS”…”knight riders”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“DON’T interrupt me when I am speaking”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> “That they were horrible this season and that you couldn’t watch Ganguly’s </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">plight</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“You know you look sooooooo cute when you are all red like this…” I put on my silly smile</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Shut up, I’ll never go shopping with you again” </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Awesome!!!” wait</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">…</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> did I say </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">that</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> out loud?</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Grrr… I’</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">ve changed my mind…make yourself available next weekend. I need to shop for didi’s wedding” </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“jee huzoor… aapka hukum sir-ankhon par”</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> …there’s just so much fight left in a strangled rooster…AND I wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss the second match.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">A few random spurts, a</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">uthentic PJs, </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">a p</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">arting kiss…and we are cool.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">As I’m on my way back I can’t help but smile</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> to myself</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">. A</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> perfect weekend this had been</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">,</span></span> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">a</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">nd to add icing to the cake-</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Ganguly</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">, </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">D</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">ominoes, </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Haywards</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">!!! </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Wingdings';"><span style="font-size:100%;">J</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">24</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; vertical-align: super;"><span style="font-size:78%;">th</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> May, 2009</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">The week had been gruesome. 55 hours of slogging had made sure that the weekend was without blemishes. Yesterday </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">was one of the moments of T20 glory. One of the two to finish last the previous season were to </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">taste</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> gold (and diamonds, rubies, etc) today.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">She called an hour back to tell me that I was utterly useless and a lousy shopping mate; so she’d go shopping with her </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">room mate</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">…well she knows how thoroughly I’ve been following this series so…</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Wingdings';"><span style="font-size:100%;">J</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Gilchrist to face Kumble!? Nice move bro…hope Praveen kumar doesn’t get to bowl today.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">A nice flighted one, pitched short And there goes his off stump!!!!!!!! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… couldn’t be a better start for </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Bangalore</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">!!!</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">And just when I’m about </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">to open my first can…</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> she calls</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Hey beautiful…you won’t believe what an awesome match this is turning out to be…” and I’m cut short with </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“buhuhuhuhuhuhuhu…..hick…..hick…buhuhuhuhuhu” </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“hehehe”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">I guess there’s something wrong with me…</span></span> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">or </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">there’s something </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">latently funny about the female wailing.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">BUHUHUHUHUHU</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">…..hick….. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">BUHUHUHUHUHU</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">” </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">shit it’s gotten louder coz of me.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“kya hua bache? Where are you????”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“I am at…hick… my place… </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">buhuhuhuhuhuhuhu…..hick…..hick…buhuhuhuhuhu</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">Something’s seriously gone wrong</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">…</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">hehe</span></i></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Wallet-check, phone-check, </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">chappals-check (shoes’ll get wet)</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">,</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> TROUSERS</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">-double </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">check (won’t make a mockery out of myself again…even if </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Brahma</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> were waiting at my doorstep…later) </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">I’ve never gotten dressed this </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">quickly</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">. </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">E-City-Banshankari in 19 minutes flat- I guess it’s a new record.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m wholly drenched. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Her room mate answers the calling bell and I rush to her room.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">She’s still crying. 15mins of cajoling later I get her to speak.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“My handbag...my shopping bags…hick…the rickshaw waala took them all…hick”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“And… hick…and…my sandal’s broken…buhuhuhuhuhu….”</span></span> </p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">It’s not working. I need her roommate for a clearer picture.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“OK here’s what I think happened” Stupid ILI courses…why do I feel the need to paraphrase everything?</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“You left your shopping bags and purse in the auto when you got down…you ran behind the auto when you realized </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">this </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">when</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> your sandal broke</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">…to top it all some cab guy splattered mud and gobar all over you” Sherlock homes acting funny eh…careful…I remind myself</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“YES!!!” she replies</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> indignantly</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Did you take down the auto’s number or remember the name of the driver?”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“No….buhuhuhuhuhuhu” </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Ok</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">,</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> no </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">worries</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> get dressed</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">…and</span></span> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">d</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">on’t forget your raincoat”</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> she has sensed the urgency in my tone and </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">has done</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> just that.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-US&oe=utf8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=banashankari+police+station&fb=1&split=1&view=text&latlng=15026545892555648291"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">Banaskankari 2nd Stage Police Station</span></i></span></a></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">I check my wallet for cash…1100 change…will do.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Just as we walk in-</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">”AUTO WAALE BHAIYA” she shout’s in disbelief.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">He acknowledges. </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">They have this animated conversation going as I check her belongings.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Thanks a lot boss” I hand him a Gandhi as I cut their conversation short.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">No</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> problem” he sez in style, all smiles as he bids adieu.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">It has stopped raining. She has been quiet all this while. </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“You missed </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">the</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> finals for me” she bemoans</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Are you kidding me? For you… a thousand times over” </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><i><span style="font-size:100%;">and the kite runner grin</span></i></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Shut up…” <pause> “you are so totally in love with me, aren’t you”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">You</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> already know this by now laddu…”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">What</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">???????”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“…that I’d love to make love to you”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“kya!!!!!!!!!@#$%#”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">“aur ye laddu kya hai...</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">are you sayin’ I’m fat</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">....blah blah blah”</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">And b.t.w. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">Bangalore</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> lost the finals… won’t even bother with the re-telecast.</span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 0pt; margin-right: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:100%;">p.s. and there you go…back to the syphilis article</span></span></p>shrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01629168952127522897noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8444722184983594215.post-51668927614231696772009-03-03T08:25:00.000-08:002009-03-03T08:38:09.114-08:00Carry on ACP...<p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span ><span lang="EN-US">I watch as the cigarette butt slithers down the commode and with it my last pang of conscience...</span><span lang="EN-US">But don't get me wrong... my guilt never stays with me for long...I’ll run over a puppy on the highway and go...oopsie!! (I don't think chicks dig my blogs...but in case you do…I was just kidding...I love puppies!!! :D)</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >You might then wonder if my conscience is skewed...</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >I assure you it's not...and here's why…</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >For as long as I can remember, my dad's been with the Indian Railways. It is on trains that I’ve had my soundest sleeps, my encounters with the most intimidating<br />books(and people), my moments of true revelations( I didn't know there was another sex different from the regular dad and mom variety before I boarded my first train!! ) and the most daring standoffs(more about this later). In simple words, I love what the Great Indian Railways stands for and for every ounce of it. So when someone claims to be stronger than a locomotive... I say... take your big red S back to Krypton.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >Hence the affection and hence this day....</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >A1 21...the chart doesn't look promising...I board the train to find the expected... an old guy<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>in front ... a college geek in the seat next to mine… Well, there's one seat still empty...I remember reading the chart in a jiffy...”could be a chick”...or I simply console myself. I open outlook(no it's a book…you GEEK!!) and simultaneously wonder for the nth time as to why I bought it...maybe coz it’s cheap. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"So you are going to <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Delhi</st1:place></st1:city>"</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >It’s not a question… I tell myself… so I need not answer</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"Yes... and you?"</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"<st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Meerut</st1:place></st1:city>" he sez </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"Hi I’m ACP Rathod" (he was rather ACP Mutthuswami or something...but Rathod sounds catchy...hence the replacement). Now this was something unusual so I keep the conversation going...</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"Hi I’m Joshua" (Srinivas doesn't sound cool either!)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size:+0;"></span><span >"I’ve never met an ACP in person..." (Yeah...I know...dumb thing to say...but I’m a software engineer...need I explain more?)</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"Hahaha...so maybe I’ll disappoint you when I say that I’m with the Indian Railways, RPF... and not your conventional types"</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >Are you kidding me? I’m all the more impressed!!...and so we start chit chatting about all the stupid topics you can come across... politics, defense, role of women in policing (my favorite :D), etc... And as we talk, I am at awe at all the attention showered upon this guy by the train caretakers. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >The college geek is rather wise and has kept his mouth shut all this while. He’s made 3 trips to the toilet in the last 2 hours...</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"Are you ok?" I knew that sooner or later ACP Rathod would pull this guy into our meaningless conversation too...</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"Yeah I’m fine" he's a li'l surprised but not a first time traveler either.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"I don't like the AC too much..." and with this he reminds me of the countless such excuses I’ve made to have a quick smoke in the toilet.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"b.t.w, I’m Chunni Lal" (I’m already thinking 'bout the fag I should've had an hour ago...do you think I’d care to remember his name?) he introduces himself.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >After some uncomfortable small talk, I manage to excuse myself to the toilet... </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >10 minutes and 2 cigarettes later I’m back pretending nothing ever happened... with that satisfied expression on my face you usually have when you are out of the loo after a long wait. Nobody could guess- was my first thought...but I overlooked the fact that Rathod's first few years of service were with a Labrador trying to smell stuff normal people couldn't. He's smiling at me...not the usual smile...I feel it like a stab...like he's sayin'- I know what you've been doin'...and that's the stuff I hate about travelers.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >An hour later, another trip to the toilet, another look into those crucifying eyes...</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >What the...!!! I can't take this anymore!!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >It is this rarest of rare occasion that’s made me decide that I wouldn't smoke for the rest of this journey and be the good Samaritan my parents thought I was destined to<br />be...</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >2 hours later...<br />It’s around 12...I guess neither of us is used to sleeping early.<br />All of a sudden I can see this rather mischievous glint in his eyes...It’s as if ACP Rathod is measuring me up...In a quick trained movement, his hand dives into his<br />travel bag and pop comes out...what the!!!... Do I see a 12 year old Johnny Walker Black Label!!! YES!!! I almost scream in a manner of...you know what. For a government servant, he sure has eclectic tastes...well don't get me wrong... he has better tastes than most people I know... govt. servants or otherwise.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"Would you like to have one?" he's smiling</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >"a...no...I mean YEAH sure!!" he let's out a big laughter as he hands me the glass.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >As I indulge myself, I can't help but feel something pricking me on the inside... It is when we finish our drinks and he asks me for a cig, that I realize that it was one of the crushed fragments of my conscience...and NOW, I can feel myself beaming...</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span lang="EN-US" >I hand him a cigarette and we both make a quick dash for the toilet...</span></p>shrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01629168952127522897noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8444722184983594215.post-5516171741798673042008-11-03T14:54:00.000-08:002008-11-03T15:00:27.514-08:00The one with chicksOn our way to kabini river lodge…me and this other dude (lets just call him loser2 for the sake of convenience)…on a TVS scooty!<br />For the ignorant-<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Kabini River Lodge-</span><br /> To the common man- hunting lodge of the erstwhile maharaja of Mysore/<br /> Elephant country/ white water paradise<br /> To me- Gold Flake Kings@ Rs.40 per pack<br /> Haywards 5000@ Rs. 65 per bottle<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">TVS scooty-</span><br />To the common man- 59cc/ 2-stroke/ 3.5 HP machine<br />To me- Loser2’s bike<br />Before you start wondering what the two of us were doin’…lemme tell you that there were 3 chicks waiting for us at our destination…3 chicks and a pack of hungry wolves- geeks too have an appetite you know! So here we were stuck with each other, having missed our corporate bus, for the better half of the 300kms. We’ve been doin’ our top speed (55kmph) for the last two and a half hours…<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />It’s country side…already getting dark…lots of trees…horrible road…bad tasting bugs</span><br /><br />Do I see a campfire off the road some distance ahead? Loser2 sees it too.<br />We decide to make our first pit stop expecting a drink or two.<br />“shit man!! HOT chicks!!!” I literally have to punch through his open mouth to calm him down. I’ve already appraised the situation. Two chicks…among the hottest I’ve ever seen…a banged up maruti…one fat mom…a missing dad…probably lookin’ for help in a nearby town.<br />“We just have to play our cards right dude. Try to look sincere for a change and we might manage to get their phone numbers if we are lucky.” Loser2 agrees…he already has a sincere look…I wonder if my tongue’s hangin’ out…doesn’t feel like it though…coz my mouth’s runnin’ dry.<br />“can we be of any help auntyjee?” Loser2 is the first to speak.<br />“we had an accident beta.” “my husband was tryin’ to avoid hitting a stray dog when we hit a tree. Thankfully no one’s injured.”<br />I don’t get it…she’s more congenial than I thought she’d be…maybe it’s her helplessness doin’ the talking. Anyway she’s talking… and that’s good!!!<br />“you two seem decent boys”<br />“can we do anything to help auntyjee?” I blurt out knowing she’s gonna ask for it anyway.<br />“we are mechanical engineers. We could maybe try to fix up the car”<br />“thanks a lot beta, but I’m worried ‘bout your uncle too. He’s gone a long time.”<br />“I could stay here and try to fix the car while you could go with my friend to look for uncle.” I can almost hear Loser2 cursing.<br />“would you do that??? You both are God sent!!!”<br />I can’t believe she bought it!!! They leave…the 3 of them…Loser2, Tanya and her mom sitting in that order in his scooty. I wonder if auntyjee doubted Loser2’s intentions. Loser2 doesn’t mind overloading his scooty though…he seems rather delighted. Can’t care less…the hotter one is all for me!!!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">It’s country side…already getting dark…soothing breeze…clear sky…just the two of us…</span><br /><br />“you are kinda cute…” kashish is speaking now.<br />I gulp down all my pickup lines. Try to put a cool smile. Hot and Bold…that’s my type then…I guess. We make small talk. Small and pleasant.<br />I can’t find the engine…why did I have to boast ‘bout my degree? Do something. I start humming a tune…she seems to like it.<br />“we composed this song a few years back”<br />“you have a band???”<br />“yeah I do.” She looks impressed.<br />“you know this has always been my fantasy…to be stuck in the middle of a forest with a beautiful girl…just that…”<br />“just that what???”<br />“just that I never imagined I’d be stuck with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”<br />She’s blushing big time.<br />“what happens next?...In your fantasy?”<br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">"I ask for her phone number"- didn’t sound good in my mind</span></span><br />“I kiss her as if I were kissing a Goddess” I said<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Silence</span><br />Maybe I crossed the line.<br />“then why don’t you?”<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">We are making out</span>…am I dreaming?...no…I can still feel mosquito bites.<br />I can’t place the magic in this moment…the absence of any strings…the vulnerability we both feel or Loser2…<br />Loser2!!! Shit!!! he’s coming back. He has come to take Kashish with him. No mechanics. Her parents are gonna put up in the town for the night.<br />Loser2…bastad…a-hole…he has guessed…he can almost hear me mumble f.u. I know he’s helpless.<br />3 hours…loser2 has come back walking…sez Tanya’s father borrowed his bike to get dinner…gone a long time…went out looking…couldn’t find him anywhere…comes back only to find auntyjee and her gorgeous daughters gone. The damn car has no engine…I feel sorry for his bike…actually I don’t…don’t give a damn…the only thing I regret about this whole trip is…are… these bloody mosquitoes…fuk them man…buzzing around my ears……<br />I am rubbing my eyes as I try to make sense of things…stupid allout…goddamn alarm… has been ringing for a long time I guess. Loser1 needs to suit up…hectic work day ahead…..<br />Can’t stop thinking ‘bout that dream though. Weekend’s just 4 days ahead. I’m actually considering a trip to kabini river lodge…any Loser2s interested?shrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01629168952127522897noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8444722184983594215.post-82481353981642182412008-10-16T10:39:00.000-07:002008-12-10T10:12:14.147-08:00the first goes to beer<em>Rs 11000... and we smell rebellion!!</em><br />“BEER ON THE HOUSE”<br />….is what I wish someone yelled when we are in the pubs hangin’ out. But NO… all these rich bastads are either only in movies, or in obscure pubs I don’t know about.<br />We do have our moments though- few, but quantifiable, predictable and glorious…<br />Birthdays- general junta call them…we do too.<br />I believe that friends are like cattle in some respect- it’s like you rear a cow for a whole year and then milk it dry in a single day. But this one time this cow…chomu we named him…out of some misplaced survival instinct(we are not butchers man!!!) decided that it was enough and about time it stood up for itself…or rather it’s wallet.<br />Pink slips are painful, but birthday bills are like worm holes…like a million worms just ate your inside leaving gaping holes.<br />The bill lay on the table<br />“I am payin’ only half of it” …we heard our cow mow.<br />“don’t you have it??<br /><silence><span style="font-style: italic;">silence</span><br />“chill dude….our constitution says that we are a socialist nation”<br />“pay for it now… and we’ll share it later”<br /><the><span style="font-style: italic;">our cow is happy</span><br /><br />I haven’t paid him since…<br />An year’s a long time and I believe cows have limited memory….or so I assume.<br />Today is our cow’s next birthday</the></silence>shrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01629168952127522897noreply@blogger.com6